Because I Said I Would
by Anigo-kurai
Summary: Somehow, he had managed to write a letter.


It was late at night and Sora couldn't sleep. He remembered a note that was handed to him earlier that day, and how much he had wanted to read it. Because of all of the distractions of the day, he had forgotten about it until now. Picking up the pants he had had on that day, he delved into the pocket and fished out the folded piece of paper. Unfolding it, he began to read.

_Sora, _

It was his handwriting. It was a letter from him. Sora vaguely wondered when the last time was that he had received a letter from him. Pushing the thought aside, he continued.

_I want to feel you again- I need to feel you again- see you or even hear your voice again . . . I keep thinking back to the last time I was able to see you or touch you . . . you were crying. I'd come over because I said I would. They knew I was going to you . . . They didn't stop me. They didn't hold me back, and I came because I said I would. When I got there, I held you and you put your arms around me._

"No, not this." Sora sat up on his bed and pressed his back against the wall. There was the comforting coolness that greeted him there. A support that he felt he would need later as he read on.

_I can remember the way your fingers tightened into my shirt . . . It hurt. Not your fingers, but the way they curled. It hurt to see you so . . . sad. You crushed yourself into me and I could almost feel your heart beating . . ._

Sora could remember too, it was only three weeks ago, but it felt like such a long time. He hadn't seen Riku since then . . . it was forbidden, at least for about another month . . . until Sora's birthday and he would be eighteen.

_We went upstairs, to your room and, in its darkness, I held you- you held me in turn. I remember that. And when you cried again, I remember how your tears felt against my palm as I tried to wipe them away. "Don't cry, Sora." I said it aloud, but I doubt you heard me. "Please- stop crying." You did, and I was glad there were no more tears after that. 'No more crying.' _

It wasn't a "goodbye" but it hurt about as much as if it was. It wasn't as if it was the last time he would ever get one of Riku's letters, but the way he wrote, it gripped at him all the same.

_You buried your face into my shoulder. You don't like to cry. None of us do- you didn't want me to see you cry . . . I didn't. It was too dark in your room to see much of anything . . . I heard you on the phone before I came over- because I said I would . . . but in your room, I couldn't hear it either . . . but I could feel it. Not just your tears on my fingers, but the wrenching in my heart and the breath in my throat as it stopped. I couldn't breathe . . . not when you were crying . . ._

He would not cry now, he couldn't. He mentally slapped himself when he could feel the stinging in his eyes and the tingling in his nose. He couldn't cry now- he wouldn't—

_. . . Our last kiss before this happened was short. I don't regret it, because of what I felt in it and what I put into it. I do regret the length. I wish I could've made it last longer—maybe like forever . . . yeah, that sounds about right . . ._

"Damn it, Riku!" Sora squeezed his eyes shut as tears were again expelled at their situation. It was only for a few more weeks and then he could see Riku again. They could be together again without anyone telling them otherwise. Without the law saying Riku could be arrested on the grounds of child molestation; without the threat of the label of "sex offender" looming around him.

_. . . The garage door opened and closed and your Mom came home. We pulled away quickly. We knew we'd get in trouble because I'd come over without your Mom knowing . . . But you weren't crying anymore. _

"That doesn't count for right _now,_ does it!?" Sora nearly screamed at the letter, his vision, blurry through his tears. He could feel his heart skip and his breath catch as he tried to calm himself and still his crying. He drew his knees up and curled into himself as he read the last few lines.

_That was the last time I saw you. The last time I was able to feel your body against mine . . . It hurts to think that that was it . . . but at least I was able to come over that last time . . . because I said I would._

The letter slipped through Sora's fingers as he lowered his head, unable to hold himself back any longer. And Sora knew that across town, somewhere in his room, Riku was in the same state.


End file.
